How to make a librarian happy
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n honor of National Library Week, I thought I’d submit a few words on how to make a librarian happy.
In general, those who staff our local libraries are cheerful, well-adjusted folks who don’t ask for much in return for safeguarding the future of literacy on our planet. If you happen to have that one maniacal librarian who follows you through the stacks and low-key realigns all the books you pull out while you’re browsing, I’m sorry. Please stay positive, make frequent eye contact with this individual, and smile warmly. Remember, fussy people can change, if properly motivated.
For the rest of you, here are a few suggestions on how to bring a smile to a librarian’s face this week:
1. Return your overdue books. (Let the record state, I do not believe this qualifies as the number one method for making a librarian happy, but let’s get it out of the way.) While you are duty-bound to uphold your end of the borrow/return contract, most librarians aren’t lying awake in the dark watches of the night, wringing their hands over a list of unreturned books. They are lying awake, dreaming up new programs to engage and serve their patrons. Still, if you’re harboring a copy of “Catcher in the Rye” that you’ve had checked out since senior year in high school, this is the week to return it.
2. Volunteer for something. Most librarians could use your help, if you offer it.
3. Use archaic words as often as possible when in the presence of a librarian. As we all know, librarians are the first line of defense in preventing antiquated, but perfectly lovely words, from falling out of use in the English language. In order to bring a smile to the faces of librarians everywhere, please do your best to work archaic words into casual conversation at your local library this week.
For example, when librarians ask about those overdue books (which they won’t), you can adopt a somber, contrite expression and gravely intone: “I shall return it anon.” I guarantee, your librarian will smile.
Other words to consider: akimbo, betwixt, cattywampus and indubitably. If you can slip these into any conversation at the library, you are doing your part to make librarians feel encouraged and appreciated.
4. Visit the library often. For services to continue, they must be utilized.
5. Invite your children, grandchildren, neighbors, coworkers—even your sworn enemies—to become patrons of the library. Children love libraries. By design, libraries are welcoming, sensory-rich places, created to foster curiosity and exploration. When they utilize the library, children learn about the honor system, about taking care of something that doesn’t “belong” to them, about the common world of knowledge that we share. They become participants in the great exchange of ideas. They have fun.
And if a sworn enemy becomes a new library devotee, you can politely request a hold on every book the infamous rascal checks out, as a mild gesture of aggression. You can even chortle and rub your hands together while you do it, in true villainous fashion. Librarians thrive on that sort of thing.
5. Donate something. If you contribute money to help worthy organizations, libraries qualify. Many libraries host an informal book exchange. Some libraries accept other types of items that could be checked out. It never hurts to ask.
6. Say thank you. (This may include ceremonial gifts of coffee or tea.) Of all the words we should champion for retention in the English language, “thank you” are two of the most important.
Thriving local libraries are the hub of any community. From WiFi access to language classes to practical programming for patrons of all ages, our libraries connect us. They do us a mighty service. Indubitably.